Shops open 24/7? Save us, oh Lord!

Further to my last post on Easter, it seems some people are having trouble coming to terms with the death of religion. Link to news story: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/4911750.stm Quoth Mr Breed: "I don't think they should be trying to steam-roller over every single aspect of our lives and we don't want them to squeeze out any more of the smaller shops. I see this campaign by the supermarkets to increase, yet again, their trading hours on a Sunday, as just a further erosion. They just want to get to 24 hours a day, seven days a week, no matter what the religious holidays are."

So, could someone explain to me what the problem here is? Supermarkets want to be open 24/7? Oh no! It’s the end of the world! Why, this would mean that people who don’t work a Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5 job would be able to go shopping at a time that is convenient to them! THE HORROR!

Ok, sarcasm aside, what is the problem? This country is home to people of many different religions. If we are to be fair, surely we should give equal treatment to all religious festivals? Of course, that would probably mean you’d be lucky to find a day when you COULD work. So the fairest approach is to acknowledge that religion is a private thing that should not be the basis for public holidays any more.

Of course, what really irritates me with this is the assumption that we’re all Christian, and that we don’t work Sundays already. I’m not a Christian. I’m an agnostic. I’m pretty sure that, if there is a god, he/she/it wouldn’t be offended by me doing some shopping on a certain day. So why am I, who doesn’t believe Sunday is different from any other day, still stuck with crappy opening hours on that day? And a total lack of shopping opportunities on Easter Sunday? If you are a Christian and want to observe that day, great. You go for it. But why am I forced to observe it?

And then there are the social issues. That’s just so much crap. At the moment, there are people working any day of the week, and at any time of day. And yet we still have this “oh my god, we can’t have supermarkets open at night or on Easter Sunday” rubbish. Now, I have had jobs where I worked weekends. And what really got on my nerves was that if I needed to get some food in on a Sunday when I got home, I’d have to go to the local over-priced shop instead of the supermarket. This, in the words of Peter Griffin, really grinds my gears.

Folks, we live in the 21st Century. It’s time to keep your religion to yourself, and let the rest of us get on with living our lives as smoothly as possible. Let’s stop having laws based on a religion that a minority of people believe in, and start basing them on logic.

Easter. w00t

With it being Easter, it’s pretty hard for your mind not to turn to religion in general, and Christianity in particular. People familiar with my rantings on various forums will be aware I don’t have much time for religion. For me, it’s kinda up there with fairies that live at the bottom of the garden: it’s a quaint, cute, touchingly naïve thing, but something that you really should leave behind in childhood. It’s all so shot full of holes, it’s quite difficult for me to see what the appeal is. Which brings me nicely on to my latest post.

As pretty much everyone in the UK at least will be aware (nothing like legally enforced religious indoctrination in schools, eh?), Christianity is founded on a story. The story goes that, 2000 years ago, God sent his only son to Earth to die for our sins. This is a show of God’s great love for his creation. Personally, I’d love to have been present in the God household when that idea was first floated.
God: So, Jesus. Still unemployed, I see?
Jesus: Well, there’s not much for me to do. You made the Earth and everything in it. Then you killed all the dinosaurs for some reason.
God: Meh, they didn’t quite work out right. A lot of those designs were from the work experience boy.
Jesus: Ah, I remember him. Great big scaly lizard, wasn’t he?
God: That’s the one.
Jesus: Still, you got it right by copying us for the humans.
God: Yeah, they look great, don’t they?
Jesus: Well, half of them do.
God: True, the men never quite looked as good, but what can you do? Anyway, I’ve got a job for you.
Jesus: Do I have to go to Earth?
God: Yes.
Jesus: Does this mean you’re going to take the form of a bull, then rape a woman?
God: You’re thinking of Mr Zeus next door. No, I’ll send the Holy Spirit to knock someone up.
Jesus: Ah, yes. He’s a suave one. Looks uncannily like a young Sean Connery.
God: I think you’ll find a young Sean Connery will look uncannily like the Holy Spirit.
Jesus: Of course. Damn, it’s difficult being everywhere at once sometimes. Makes it really difficult to keep track of what order things happened in Neighbours.
God: On the plus side, I understood “Memento” the first time I saw it. Anyhoo, I need you, as my only son, to go to Earth-
Jesus: Only SON?
[At this point, Jesus points at her D-cup breasts]
God: It’s a male-dominated society; you’ll have to take on male form if you’re going to be taken seriously.
Jesus: Oh, great. You know how uncomfortable those genitals are. So, what am I doing down there, apart from protecting the most ludicrously sensitive, unprotected organ ever?
God: You spread my word, create a new church, and die horribly before being resurrected.
Jesus: Sorry, what was the last bit?
God: What, create a new church? That’ll be easy, just talk a few people into following you and-
Jesus: No, after that bit.
God: Ah. Well, you need to die, then resurrect three days later.
Jesus: What, as a frickin’ zombie?
God: Hmm, I hadn’t quite thought of that. I suppose technically, you would be a zombie.
Jesus: And why have I got to die?
God: So I can forgive the sins of the world.
Jesus: … what the fuck?
God: You have to die so I can forgive the world.
Jesus: How in the name of me does that work?
God: Well…

And that’s where I lose it. Why did God’s only offspring (an aspect of himself, if I remember my RE lessons correctly) have to die so God could forgive the world? Couldn’t God have just, y’know… FORGIVEN US? Who was she trying to impress with this gesture? In short, what the fuck was that all about? Answers please. If any.